Dawge #64! TV (87)

Today was a nice, weird day. The bees were screaming, the birds were yodeling, the horse heads were on their motorcycles, and Dawge was ready to watch some TV!

Now, you've got to understand that Dawge wants to save his money; that means he doesn't have NetFlop, Hooplu, Amazon, or YoToby. So he has cable, or as it's called in Weeble-Wooble, John. 

"Well," said Dawge. "Time to watch some John!"

Dawge grabbed a pigeon from outside, cradled it carefully, then threw it at the TV to turn it on. Once the TV was on, the pigeon left gracefully.

Dawge grabbed the remote and started going through channels.

Obey the Lizard Overlords or Else! Dawge loved that one. But he saw it last night, so he went to a different channel. Life as a Burger! Dawge heard that his favorite actor, Kevin Bacon (you know, the hard boiled egg), was in that classic! But, then again, he was going to watch that tonight with Fly, and didn't want to accidentally spoil the end.

Next channel! No way! Dawge's absolute FAVORITE movie! Flying with Poodles! But Dawge knew that one was illegal. 

At this point, Dawge was going to give up. But then, as he went to a new channel, he saw the well-made, action packed movie, Manta-ray with Martial Arts! 

Dawge looked at the screen, eyes wide with excitement. He grabbed the remote, turned the volume up, and then he turned the TV off. He hates Manta-ray with Martial Arts.

The End

Dawge's Guide #8! Dawge's Guide to Owning A Multi-Million Dollar Industry! (86)

As I'm sure you all know by now, Dawge is the CEO of Walmart, a company that sells pretty much anything you could ever want! So today, Dawge would like to show you how you can start and own the next big company!

1. Start a store.

2. Sell something. This can literally be anything.

3. Stop getting business because you decided to sell the letter C.

4. Close your store.

5. Give up on your dream on becoming the next Walmart; it's not happening.

6a. Write an application for a job as the clown-chorister for the Weeble-Wooblian Squirrel Choir (they really need one).

6b. Send your application via the NEWWPS (Non-Existent Weeble-Wooble Postal Service).

7. Never get a response from the Squirrel Choir because: 
a) You're not "clowny" enough.
b) You're too "clowny".
c) You forgot to follow step 6b.
d) Squirrels can't write or send letters for religious reasons.
e) The NEWWPS doesn't actually exist, hence the name.

8. Um... get into high finance?

9. Ignore step 8 and just get a job at Walmart.

10. Forget you ever wanted to start your own store, because the thought will spiritually haunt you for the rest of your dog's life.

Spprk, Super Private Eye #4! A Weeble-Wooblian Philosophical Investigation! (83)

    For millennia, one question has remained unanswered:

    "If someone with six ducks buried in their backyard opens a present before their Bort-hay, will the lawnmower in their aunt's garage begin to dance Gangnam style?"
    Investigating this is none other than Spprk, super private eye. Actually, a couple other people than Spprk, super private eye: Fly, for his thirst for adventure; Bert (Fly's cousin), because they needed someone's cousin, and Bert was the easiest to get in contact with; Joe (one of the cryptozoologists from Fly's adventures), for his scientific knowledge; and Dragon, for his fearlessness. 
    It was 14 o' clock YM. The presents for Bert's Bort-hay were in the Grapefruit.
    "Is everyone in position?" asked Spprk on the compass call.
    "Yup. I'm in mom's garage." replied Fly.
    "And I've got him defended!" added Dragon.
    "I've got six ducks buried in my backyard, and I'm ready to open a present!" said Bert.
    "And I've got Weeble-Wooble under my watch." said Spprk, as she flew around Weeble-Wooble with her compass rose. "Joe, everyone is in position."
    "Alright then," said Joe, "Bert, it's time to open your present."
    "Hooray! Early Bort-hay present!" said Bert as he cut open the Grapefruit.
    Meanwhile, in Fly's mom's garage, nothing was happening.
    On the other hand, while flying around, Spprk saw something in the distance begin to glow. Curious, she flew toward it. As she got closer, she heard a sound, and then a tune, and then a voice, and then...
♪♫NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN♪♫
    A glowing centipede was cosplaying as Nyan Cat! Spprk had been nyanned!
    "You guys getting this?" asked Spprk on the compass call.
    "Yup." said Joe, Fly, Bert, and Dragon.
    "Conclusion, Joe?"
    Joe answered, "While it appears that having six ducks buried in your backyard while opening a present before your Bort-hay will not cause the lawnmower in your aunt's garage to dance Gangnam Style, it will cause a detective squirrel to get nyanned by a glowing centipede."
    "And that's another case solved by Spprk, super private eye!"

The End

Dawge's Guide #7! Dawge's Guide to Making Szelctor! (82)

Szelctor is a color that is exclusive to Weeble-Wooble. The only way to see it is to visit Weeble-Wooble. Szelctor is nothing like any other color. This is Dawge's guide to making it from natural Weeble-Wooblian materials:

Step 1: Get Goat to pay me back that 🐟1 Unvigintioctigentillion that he still owes me for that shaving cream made out of Superexpensivium.
Step 2: Petsit my pet mutant bison for the next couple dozen millennia.
Step 3: Finish my biosphere.
Step 4: Cram for the exam on lemons I have coming up and take it for me.
Step 5: Dig up that dinosaur skeleton I found awhile back but was too lazy to unearth myself.
Step 6: Fix my bed frame.
Step 7: Disguise yourself as me and go to the upcoming Annual Weeble-Wooble Handstanding Contest as me.
Step 8: Vow to never remove the disguise. Ever.
Step 9: Visit the Time-Space Law Enforcement HQ and bribe them with sausages and bananas so they'll leave me alone for a few more months.
Step 10: Spy on Qaat for a couple days and report back to me.
Step 11: Sign a contract that gives you the honor of doing everything I ask of you for the next four eternities.

Dawge's Guide #5! Dawge's Guide To Driving (80)

Dawge's Guide To Driving:

1: Keep your hands at 7 and 10:38.
2: Put your gear shift into 'R' for 'Rev it up!'
3a: Check if your radio works. (No radio, no driving)
3b: If your radio doesn't work, use a squirrel choir.
4: Keep your rubber chicken tuned.
5: Mow the grass that is growing around your car.
6: Be a leaf.
7: Be nice to your car.
8: Entertain your car. (I'm A Little Teapot always works)
9: Play Paul with your car.
10: Read 1 Way to Drive a Car By Aardvark Q Pook.

If you followed all of these instructions, you'll be lucky enough to make it out of the driveway. 

The End

Dawge #62! A Buh (79)

President Bubblehead was walking home after a long day of napping when all of a sudden, the ground...did nothing and it was totally fine! So he kept walking. And then a giant Buh* fell out of the sky. For some reason, it was covering its eyes. 

Once Dawge saw it, he said, "Oh, hi! Welcome to Weeble-Wooble!" 

The Buh did nothing. It didn't even look at him!

Hmm. He thought,  Maybe it didn't hear me. 

To get the Buh's attention, Dawge slapped it with a walrus.

"Hey!" It snapped and uncovered its eyes. "It's very rude to hit a girl with a walrus!" She turned away.

"Sorry, ma'am," He said, "But what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in space?"

"Yeah! I should be! But some idiot in a Volvo put his brights on behind me! I turned around and screamed - !" 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dawge said. "This is a family friendly blog!"

"Oh," She said, "Right. Sorry. The point is he shined them right in my eyes and I was shocked and covered my eyes. I forgot I needed my flippers for floating through space." She explained. "And time." She mumbled under her breath. 

"What was that? What did you say?" He asked. 

"What? I don't know what you are talking about. You must be hearing stuff." She looked for something to change the subject with. "Uh...CHEESE!" She yelled and pointed at something behind Dawge.

Dawge turned to where she was pointing. She was right. That WAS the Statue of Liberty made out of cheese. He forgot that that was something that Goat had been working on for a while. 

While Dawge was looking at the cheese, she floated away.

The End

*A Buh is a space-faring creature that looks like a walrus with the intelligence of a human, and a tail of a beaver.

Dawge #61! National Squirrel Day! (77)

There's a day that all Weeble-Wooblians celebrate. National Squirrel Day! 

National Squirrel Day is when everyone gathers together to celebrate the Squirrel Choir! 

They start with a potluck, then after everyone has eaten, it's time to dance! 
Of course the Squirrel Choir gets to pick the song. Their favorites are Hungarian Dance #5, Kiss From A Rose, The Butterfly Waltz, and anything by Michael Jackson. 

After dancing, Dawge, Bob, Goat, Dragon, and Fly put on a play. It's either Shakespeare (not Romeo and Juliet; normally The Tempest or As You Like It) or they re-enact the time where an ordinary thing almost got Dawge. 

Dawge was just happily skipping along Weeble-Wooble's lake, when all of a sudden, a lemon appeared. An ordinary lemon. No stripes, no battle cry. Just a lemon. The wind started pushing this lemon closer and closer to Dawge. 

Dawge's back was up against a Y-tree*. The lemon almost touched his robotic foot. Then the Squirrel Choir came! And boy were they prepared! They grabbed the lemon, put googly eyes on it, gave it pipe cleaners for arms and legs, and asked Izyoo to bless it with life. When he did, Lucas was born.

That's why they celebrate National Squirrel Day! So remember, treat your squirrels with respect, and they could save your life. 

The End

*A Y-tree is a tree that grows the letter Q.

Adventuring with Fly #2a! Fly's Journey to My-Face! (76)

Fly woke up one morning to find that his trunk had been transformed. He had a feeling he had an adventure on his ears, which called for a logbook. This is the logbook Fly kept:

Day 1, Entry 1: Today I woke up and my trunk had been turned into a neon indigo sphube. I reluctantly went to Dr. Kaat's tower because he's the only doctor in Weeble-Wooble. His diagnosis was Nebluhy and he said the only cure is a magical cheese from a planet called My-Face. I'm currently on my way to Spork's office to make sure Dr. Kaat is telling the truth.

Day 1, Entry 2: Spork says everything checks out. She let me borrow her compass rose because apparently pancakes don't have enough power to travel interstellar by themselves. Spork told me that if I didn't want to spend 3701 months in interstellar space, I'm going to need laser toast. I told her that I didn't have any and she explained that dirt works just as well. I plan to zoodle* this afternoon.

Day 1, Entry 3: I got hungry and ate the pancakes. Yeah. I'll order some more in a couple days once I get my octodaily duck shipment from Chalk Expedition Foundation Corp. Inc.

Day 4, Entry 1: I got my duck shipment and my pancakes. I'm ready to zoodle. 7279...656...38...7...purple...ZOODLE!!

Day 4, Entry 2: I've been zoodling for about 5 hours now. All I've seen so far is stars, pumpkins, and pineapples.

Day 6: I just passed a UFO. I think I saw a buffalo piloting it, with a sentient lamp by its side. I also think I might already be starting to go space-crazy.

Day 9: I'm still zoodling through space. Nothing new to report except a time-travelling spoon, two lightsabers fighting each other with humans, a giant berrystraw (a straw made of various exotic berries), two superdupercomputers having a staring contest, a keyboard playing a cat, and a cult of sentient grapes. Needless to say, it's been a boring, uneventful couple of days.

Day 15, Entry 1: I'm almost there! I can see My-Face!

Day 15, Entry 2: My brake was just stolen by the time-travelling spoon! I can't slow down! I'm gonna cra-

Is Fly okay? Find out next week!

*Zoodling is when you travel somewhere via pancakes.

Dawge's Guide #4! Dawge's Guide to Fixing Doorbells! (74)

Dawge's Guide to Fixing Doorbells:
Step 0a: Ring the doorbell.
Step 0b: No need fixing something that isn't broken.
Step 1: Get nyanned.
Step 2: Learn you just got nyanned, a kind of rickroll-type internet prank that instead uses Nyan Cat.
Step 3: Clone a sheep.
Step 4a: Learn how to play FIGHTERS & FAIRIES!™.
Step 4b: Win the title of best FIGHTERS & FAIRIES!™ player in Weeble-Wooble.
Step 5a: Turn yourself into a fish.
Step 5b: Play Paul for the rest of the month.
Step 6: Put bread into the toaster that the broken doorbell is on.
Step 7: Put toast into The Great Breader.
Step 9: Practice jumping until you can jump to the moon.
Step 15z: Replace the doorbell on the toaster.
Step 15y: Go to Step 0.

And that is how you fix doorbells.

Dawge's Guide #3! Dawge's Guide to Drawing! (73)

Dawge's guide to drawing:

1: Get animals.

2: Get crops.

3: Sing in the shower without water.

4: Do a celebratory dance.

5: Throw a celebratory squirrel party.

6: Go fishing. 

7: Forget what you're doing and try to remember.

8: Finally remember what you were doing after an hour.

9: Ask Bob how to cross your legs.

10: Play Paul.

11: Churn butter.

12: Give up on farming and never speak of it ever again.

The End

Frikijerplurt Day #3 (72)

    Dawge and Dragon were playing the recently-declared-traditional-by-President-Bubblehead Frikijerplurt Day Magic the Gathering-Super Dawgs & Dragons* 143-round tournament while they waited for their franks to finish cooking. 
    "That's a ninth of a point for y-" Dawge was cut off by a "TWAAR!" Suddenly, the table was on fire! Then Dragon realized that he hadn't bought franks! He'd bought Franks, dogoid creatures that spit fireballs!
    Luckily, Izyoo happened to be walking by at the time and saw what was happening, so he flooded Dawge's house to extinguish the fire and drown the Franks. Then Izyoo gave Dawge and Dragon some franks he was taking to the Move My Marbles charity.
    In the end, Dawge and Dragon got to eat their franks and finish the MTG-SD&D tournament** before Frikijerplurt Day ended.

The End

*Super Dawgs & Dragons is a game that was created by Weeble-Wooblians as a tribute to Super Dawg and Dragon for all they had done for Weeble-Wooble.
**In case you were wondering, Dragon won the tournament with a score of 57 7/9 to Dawge's -74

Dawge #60! Champagne's Chocolate Factory (71)

Dawge was walking home with Fly, until, they saw a big banner. It said:

Champagne's chocolate galore is now open! 

<-----------

Both Dawge and Fly love food, so Fly immediately called the factory and scheduled a tour for him and Dawge. Soon, Dawge got into his hover bucket/chair, and Fly got into the robotic armadillo that he stole from Qaat, and off they went.

Once they got close, they could smell the chocolate. And for some reason, they could also smell flamingos. By the factory door, there was a loofah with a turban.

Once they saw her, they got out of their rides and went up to her. "Ah! You to must be Dawge and Fly," She said, "Thank you for wanting to visit my usine! Do either of you speak French?"

Dawge and Fly looked at each other. It was obvious that she spoke French, but it looked like she could speak enough of English.

"No," Fly said, "Not really."

"Ah d'accord. Right this way, messieurs!" She led them through the factory doors. Once they were inside, the doors closed. She led them down a hall. After walking for a bit, she led them to a room with lots of steam coming out. She opened the door.

Inside, they saw treadmills. And on those treadmills, were flamingos. 

Oh! Thought Dawge, That's where the flamingo smell was coming from! 

"Now here in the factory, I find it expensive to run on water, steam, or electricity. So, I power the factory by these flamingos! I couldn't get any manual treadmills, though." She explained. 

"But, wait," Fly started, "Then you must be using elect-" Fly was cut off by Champagne.

"We really mustn't stop and talk." She started down the hall. After a little bit, they had seen the whole factory. "Well," She said, "I hope to see you two again soon. Au revoir, Monsieur Dawge! Au revoir, Monsieur Fly " 

Once Dawge and Fly were in Dawge's house, Dawge said "I have a feeling that we'll see her again."

The End

Spork, Private Eye #3! Dishonest Abe Strikes Back (69)

Spork was at the bagpipe ranch, feeding and petting the bagpipes. Her phone started ringing, she answered it, 

"Spork, private eye speaking. How can I help?" Asked Spork. 

"Yes, hello? Spork, private eye? I need your help!" Cried the scared voice over the phone.

"What can I help you with, sir?" She asked. 

"Well," Said the person over the phone, "A thief just robbed my pet! Poor little Jorge. All without his hamster ball!" 

Spork was surprised. "I'm on my way. What does the thief look like?" 

He said, "It was tall, looked like a raccoon mixed with a sock, and it was Abraham Lincoln." 

Spork nearly dropped her jar of jellybeans the second she heard the name of her arch-nemesis.

 "I'll be right there." Spork said. She put down her phone and started to glide. She soon found a tall, black rock to rest on. The rock started moving. Then she realized that this was no rock at all, it was Abraham Lincoln's hat! 

"Well, well, well. Hello, Spork." Lincoln said. He brushed Spork off to the ground. 

"Abe," She said, "Why did you steal that nice..er.."

"Krill! I'm a krill!" Said the krill that she was talking to earlier. 

"Oh, okay," Said Spork,  "Abe, why did you steal that nice krill's hamster ball?"

Lincoln laughed manically. "Oh, you know why, Spork!" 

Spork looked confused, "No, I don't know. That's why I asked."

Lincoln said, "Grr! Eat exercise balls!" A million exercise balls came bouncing out from under his hat. "Exercise balls, squash her!" Cried Abe.

Oh snap. Thought Spork, Well, here are my plans: A; I glide away, B; I go hide in Lincoln's hat, or C; I face a very painful defeat. 

Spork thought about her plans. Then, it hit her like a ton of pounds. Of course! How could I be so blind?!

Spork ran off. Abe and the exercise balls were momentarily confused. Spork came back with a large, lovely couch, a chair, and a notebook. 

"Okay," She said, confidently, "Who would like to go first?" 

A green exercise ball came bounding up. 

"Come," She called, "Sit." The exercise ball came and sat on the couch. 

"So, let's start with what your problem is. Is it work?" She asked calmly. Soon she had done therapy with all the exercise balls. 

All the exercise balls were happy, they bounced forever together, making wonderful choices and spreading cheer. As for Spork and Abe, they will always be at each others throats forever. In fact, they probably will fight again soon! But that's a story for another time.

The End

Goat [insert action] #1! Jebediah The Sky Giraffe (68)

Goat was driving his kiwi along his usual newspaper route, when he saw a black dot in the sky. Now, this, of course, was nothing new; the sky of Weeble-Wooble was covered in black dots each called Bruce Willis. What made this Bruce Willis stand out was that its name wasn't Bruce Willis, it was A-large-meteor-that's-going-to-crash-into-you-Goat.

The non-Bruce Willis got bigger and bigger until it was almost about to crash into Goat! But then it stopped abruptly, 17.32 inches from his third eye. That was when Goat found that is wasn't Bruce Willis or a meteor; it was an airship about the size of a school bus.

When the airship fell to the ground abruptly, a small, bipedal giraffe wearing a tailcoat and a monocle hopped off of the deck and greeted Goat.

"Hello, sir!" the giraffe said with an English accent. "My name is Jebediah, but you can call me Jeb. You see, I was flying my airship around as usual, when the most peculiar thing happened; there was this gigantic duck--which reminds me of something my great-uncle Stefan once said, "If you can't fight the beaver..."

Goat zoned out, because Jeb's yammering was really boring. So, he went to his Imagination Land! the place in his head where he pretended that he was a part of his favorite soap opera, A Jelly Bean Named Gilbert.

In his Imagination Land!, Goat always played the part of Leonard the butler, who was the king of HotDogland. He was just about to hand over the key to the city to Gilbert, when he woke up.

"...said YOU SUCK!!" Jebediah screamed at the top of his lungs, then collapsed and started crying gently.

Goat had no idea what Jeb had been talking about, so he just awkwardly kneeled down next to him and pet him on the back as he muttered to himself, "Stupid Larry."

The End

Windy 6423 #2! (67)

It's that time again! Dawge, Fly, Bob, Goat, Dragon, and Qaat are polishing their rides. Dawge is riding on his turquoise, flaming, emo emu; Fly is on his famous flying rocking chair; Bob is in a stroller with rocket boosters; Goat is scooting around on five raw chickens; Dragon is driving in his winning Chevy Equinox; and Qaat is inside a giant robotic armadillo.

They drove to the starting line, everyone throwing pebbles with excitement. The small starting rock turned red, then yellow, then finally it turned into grapes. The racers were off!

Qaat took the lead with Bob literally on his tail. Dawge was behind him. Goat was in last place.

The emo emu got upset and started running into the armadillo, thrashing his head into it with everything he's got!

"No! My armadillo!" Yelled Qaat, "You'll pay for this, Dawge! This Armadillo cost 🐟500,999,888! Armadillo, get him!"

The armadillo started running after Dawge and his emo emu.

"Sorry, Qaat. You can't attack me!" Said Dawge, "It's against the rules!"

"Curses!!!!" Howled Qaat. They both started racing again.

They finally reached the end, but Qaat got there right before Dawge. Qaat smiled evilly. The trophy appeared, but not in Qaat's flippers, it appeared in Goat's tail. Dawge and Qaat came in last place. Goat never mistreated raw chickens again.

Spork, Private Eye #2! The Creation of Spprk! (66)

    Spork had been wondering about Super Dawg. Who was he? Where did he come from? Did he have hair or fur? And most importantly of all, where was the middle toe on his left foot?
    Spork wanted to find out. She had just started putting together a π-D wall map when all of a sudden, something got tossed out the door to Argentina!
    As any private eye would, Spork went to investigate. As she predicted, it was another case. But this one wasn't a normal case. This case... was brief.
    Hours later, she was still working on it in her office. Knowing the case was brief, she had put off the investigations of Super Dawg. She was wondering if she should maybe go back to it, as the brief case had turned out not to be so brief.
    And then it hit her. A time-space strawberry pop tart. It hit Spork so hard that it split, and as a result, Weeble-Wooble was momentarily split into two different timelines.
    In one timeline, Spork fused with the time-space strawberry pop tart, which had been almost completely drained of its time-space power, and gave the last of it to Spork. As a result, Spork turned into Spprk, the best detective to ever live! Using her deductive reasoning, she quickly concluded that Super Dawg was none other than Dawge!
    In the other timeline, Spork decided to go back to the Super Dawg mystery for a bit. After a few minutes, she had narrowed down the possible candidates to Dawge, Goat, and Dragon. Then she remembered the Windy 6423, and how the tied runner-ups, Dawge and Qaat, had sworn to be mortal enemies. She also remembered that Qaat had a PhD in evil science. Therefore, Qaat was Dr. Kaat, and since Dr. Kaat and Super Dawg were always fighting, that meant Super Dawg was Dawge! After reaching this conclusion, Spork thought she'd try being a superhero herself. So she put on the time-space strawberry pop tart, which had been almost completely drained of its time-space power, and gave the last of it to Spork. As a result, Spork turned into Spprk, the best detective to ever live!
    Once both Sporks had turned into Spprk, the timelines collapsed into one. Due to this, Spprk now believes she acquired her knowledge of Super Dawg's secret identity and her powers from eating a carrot shaped like a bus.

The End

Jim and The Buffalo #3! (64)

When we last saw Jim and Bub, they had just escaped from an armada of bunny fighters from the rodent quadrant and stopped to refuel on the planet of Very-Sharp-Knives.

Bub, being the second best space traveler in the universe, (the first is the hive-mind of semi-sentient watering cans) knew a little known fact about the planet of Very-Sharp-Knives: it is actually just made out of every single substance in existence except for knives, making it a playground for chickens. It was also one of the best places for refueling, since it had a nearly endless source of fossil pizza.

While Bub was refueling, Jim sat on a pile of plutonium, feeling homesick. It'd been a long time since he'd seen his dad, Bob the flea, or at least he thought so; lamps have a very bad sense of time. He'd had a lot of fun with Bub, traveling the universe and all, but he was really starting to miss Weeble-Wooble. Maybe it was time to go home.

After Bub fueled up the ship, he and Jim got back in. As they were taking off, Bub noticed that Jim looked sad. He asked him what was wrong and Jim explained his loneliness. Bub was a little disappointed at first, but agreed to take Jim back to Weeble-Wooble.

As they took off and headed for Weeble-Wooble, Jim felt extremely excited. He was going home! He hadn't noticed quite how much he missed Bob, but he was crying ketchup of joy. But right as Bub had finished charting their course, Jim heard a large thumping far behind the ship. Bub didn't seem to notice it, so Jim assumed that it was all in his head (lamps actually have hearing far superior than buffalo do), until a huge hand came through the open window of the ship and grabbed Jim. Bub shouted out to Jim as he was taken away by an intergalactic lemon-monster.

To Be Continued...

The New Characters of 2018! (63)

As you've seen there are many characters in AoD, and there will be more to come. So, we're going to give a list of the new recurring characters each year in the first post of January. So, without further ado, behold the glory of The New Characters of 2018!

Qaat (pronounced Cat): 
An evil dogfish who wants to destroy Super Dawg(and Dawge). He is also known as Dr Kaat.

The power-fluff gerbils: 
Betty: 
Betty is one of the three members of the power-fluff gerbils. She is a genetically mutated gerbil with the ability to fly, shoot lasers from her cheeks, and has incredible strength. She is smart and thinks before doing things. She also is known to boss her sisters around. 
Floofers: 
Floofers is one of the three members of the power-fluff gerbils. She has the same powers as her sister. She is a little rude and always acts before thinking. She also is known to annoy her sisters for no reason. Last, but DEFINITELY NOT least, 
Not-Betty: 
Not-Betty is one of the three members of the power-fluff gerbils. Yet again she has the same powers. She is kind and as sweet as candy, and she also loves humans. They are her favourite animal.

The Cryptozoologists:
The two cryptid enthusiasts that join Fly in most of his endeavors are Bill and Joe. But they're pretty boring, so... Moving on!

Izyoo:
The great and merciful fish god! Generally depicted as a rooster fish who wears a long white flowing robe. He's a benevolent ruler over fishkind (except for Qaat, since we all hate him) as seen in Dawge #48 when he sends Dawge back to Weeble-Wooble after he is killed by a fisherman.

The Ghost of Abraham Lincoln: 
Spork calls him Dishonest Abe. He is Spork's sworn arch-enemy because she stole from him. Abe has been seen summoning exercise balls at will. This might be a power, or he was just carrying them at the time. Either way, he's a bad guy.

The Ghost of Benjamin Franklin:
Ben is the same as his old, living self. He's nice, honest, and inventive. He is often seen wielding a flame thrower, but no one knows why or how he has it.

President Bubblehead: 
A rather fat man who sounds like an old British woman with a cold, and has a large bubble for a head. He used to be Mr. Bubblehead, until he won the Weeble-Wooblian presidential debate against a cow.

Urghh:
A caveman from one of those caveman time period things. No one knows how he came to Weeble-Wooble, all anyone knows is that he's annoying in a kind of adorably stupid way.

The Weeble-Wooblian Squirrel Choir:
This delightful bunch of intelligent squirrels were trained by Dawge when he was doing research on how to build a boat. They perform at most big Weeble-Wooblian gatherings, such as the Frikejerplurt Day frank-eating contest and Paul games, but they also do pay-per-view stage performances and world tours! The only complaint anyone has given is that they only sing Elvis songs.


I think that's it! Let me know if I missed anyone, but until next time, sTAy wEIrd! 

ULTRA STORY! The Beginning of Weeble-Wooble (🌽)

NOTE: This post is not canon, as indicated by its post number being a food.

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then, there were cats! And from those cats, sprung Roshan, the spirit of Weeble-Wooble. Roshan looked like a panther with the hindquarters of a dragon, and he loved each and every one of the cats as if they were his own children

But one day, the cats started getting bored. They didn't really like floating around in space. It was very uncomfortable, and they were always bumping into each other. So, in order to cure the cats' boredom, Roshan created a new creature: a Dragon named Phil Sr. (The father of the Yahtzee-playing dragon who currently watches over Weeble-Wooble.) 

The cats were amazed by this new creature; he was completely different from them! He had wings, horns, scaly skin, and he could breathe fire! What's not to love! But the best part was that Phil had a huge bag of dice! Three-sided, four-sided, any kind of dice you could ever want! The cats loved to play with these dice; Roshan did too. In fact, he had a favorite die: the incredible twelve-sided die. Phil knew that Roshan loved this die (and he wanted to repay him for bringing him to life) so Phil let Roshan keep the die, and wouldn't let the cats touch it.

Roshan saw the cats were happy with their new best friend and all of his dice, so he decided to take a rest for a while. He put himself on his die, and fell asleep. When he did this, the die became huge! So big that millions of other cats could have fit on it. Phil still enjoyed floating around in space, so he grew along with the dice, so their sizes were proportional with each other. The cats did not change size, and decided to live on the die forever. They made small towns, and called the lands that they lived on Weeble-Wooble. 

But without Roshan, Phil Sr. soon became lonely, and was starting to get bored of the cats, so he decided to make a friend for himself. Since Roshan had done it with him, it couldn't be that hard, right? Phil used every ounce of power in his being to create Norrix, now known as The Ultimate Weird. Norrix looked a lot like a humongous Gila monster, but he had the horns of a rhino, the tail of a scorpion, and the spines of a porcupine. Despite his appearance, Phil liked Norrix, and the two soon became great friends.

As their time together went on, Phil couldn't help noticing that Norrix could be a little strange sometimes. He had a habit of creating small creatures of his own, and then changing them into something else. He would do this for hours on end, until the creature he made was in an endless state of change and could never revert back to its original form. While this wasn't something that Phil particularly liked, he still wanted to remain friends with Norrix, so he ignored it.

However, one day Norrix went too far with his 'habit'. While Phil was asleep, Norrix kidnapped a cat from Weeble-Wooble and started changing it. It was almost to the point where it would never stop changing, when Roshan jumped off of Weeble-Wooble and tackled Norrix. The cat fell out of Norrix's hand and fell back down to its town. However, the cat was still changed when it fell. At this point, the cat looked something like a snake with wings.

Roshan took all of the other dice (which were floating around Weeble-Wooble), and imbued them with magic to create a prison deep underground for Norrix. The Dark Weird that Norrix had used to change the cat was irreversible, so the winged snake created a race of weird upon the face of Roshan's beloved land. 

Having used all of his power to imprison Norrix, Roshan fell back to Weeble-Wooble and died soon after, his Light Weird essence draining into the ground to keep Norrix from ever returning to power. One day, Roshan would be reincarnated into an even more powerful version of himself, one that could defeat Norrix once and for all. Some of the Light Weird where Roshan perished formed into a weapon powerful enough to destroy Norrix. A labyrinth was constructed around this site, which can only be navigated through by the reincarnation of Roshan.

The End

Spork, Private Eye #1 (62)

Spork was sitting in the park one day when she saw Dr. Kaat flying around. Knowing that he was bad news, Spork got up and danced away. When she was at about 50 feet away from Dr. Kaat, her phone started ringing. Help!, Exclaimed the phone. Spork answered right away,

"Hello?" She said in a really cool, intense voice, "Spork, Private Eye speaking."

"Yes," said a rather frantic and seal-sounding voice, "My nose has been kidnapped!"

"Got it, ma'am. I'll be right there."

Spork put her phone back in her cheek-pouch and started up her compass rose. She had only flown for 42.7 seconds, when Abraham Lincoln jumped from the heavens onto her compass rose.

"How dare you steal from me?! You shall-"

Lincoln was cut off as Spork kicked him off of her rose.

"I'll get you, Spork! If it's the last thing I do!"

"Yeah, whatever," said Spork, knowing that Abe was a big wuss.

Spork continued flying until she finally reached her destination; a huge, completely accurate bread carving of Avengers Tower. The seal ran up to her immediately.

"Thank you for coming here at such short notice, Detective," said the seal.

"Of course, Ms.-"

"Kabob. Kumquat Kabob."

"Ms. Kabob. Now, when did you last see your nose?"

"It was in the kitchen making me dinner, as it always does on Tuesday nights."

"Alright," said Spork, taking notes, "When did it go missing?"

"That same night, as we were watching the latest documentary by Varg Unikoorn. I turned to look at my nose after a funny line, but it was gone!"

"I see," said Spork, a nose instead of a pencil in her paw,

"Wait!" exclaimed Kumquat, "That's my nose!"

"Oh, this pencil?"

"No! That blueberry over by that tree!" said Kumquat, pointing towards the blueberry,

"Well then, I guess this case is closed. Another mystery solved by Spork, Private Eye."

The End