Spprk, Super Private Eye #4! A Weeble-Wooblian Philosophical Investigation! (83)

    For millennia, one question has remained unanswered:

    "If someone with six ducks buried in their backyard opens a present before their Bort-hay, will the lawnmower in their aunt's garage begin to dance Gangnam style?"
    Investigating this is none other than Spprk, super private eye. Actually, a couple other people than Spprk, super private eye: Fly, for his thirst for adventure; Bert (Fly's cousin), because they needed someone's cousin, and Bert was the easiest to get in contact with; Joe (one of the cryptozoologists from Fly's adventures), for his scientific knowledge; and Dragon, for his fearlessness. 
    It was 14 o' clock YM. The presents for Bert's Bort-hay were in the Grapefruit.
    "Is everyone in position?" asked Spprk on the compass call.
    "Yup. I'm in mom's garage." replied Fly.
    "And I've got him defended!" added Dragon.
    "I've got six ducks buried in my backyard, and I'm ready to open a present!" said Bert.
    "And I've got Weeble-Wooble under my watch." said Spprk, as she flew around Weeble-Wooble with her compass rose. "Joe, everyone is in position."
    "Alright then," said Joe, "Bert, it's time to open your present."
    "Hooray! Early Bort-hay present!" said Bert as he cut open the Grapefruit.
    Meanwhile, in Fly's mom's garage, nothing was happening.
    On the other hand, while flying around, Spprk saw something in the distance begin to glow. Curious, she flew toward it. As she got closer, she heard a sound, and then a tune, and then a voice, and then...
♪♫NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN♪♫
    A glowing centipede was cosplaying as Nyan Cat! Spprk had been nyanned!
    "You guys getting this?" asked Spprk on the compass call.
    "Yup." said Joe, Fly, Bert, and Dragon.
    "Conclusion, Joe?"
    Joe answered, "While it appears that having six ducks buried in your backyard while opening a present before your Bort-hay will not cause the lawnmower in your aunt's garage to dance Gangnam Style, it will cause a detective squirrel to get nyanned by a glowing centipede."
    "And that's another case solved by Spprk, super private eye!"

The End

Dawge's Guide #7! Dawge's Guide to Making Szelctor! (82)

Szelctor is a color that is exclusive to Weeble-Wooble. The only way to see it is to visit Weeble-Wooble. Szelctor is nothing like any other color. This is Dawge's guide to making it from natural Weeble-Wooblian materials:

Step 1: Get Goat to pay me back that 🐟1 Unvigintioctigentillion that he still owes me for that shaving cream made out of Superexpensivium.
Step 2: Petsit my pet mutant bison for the next couple dozen millennia.
Step 3: Finish my biosphere.
Step 4: Cram for the exam on lemons I have coming up and take it for me.
Step 5: Dig up that dinosaur skeleton I found awhile back but was too lazy to unearth myself.
Step 6: Fix my bed frame.
Step 7: Disguise yourself as me and go to the upcoming Annual Weeble-Wooble Handstanding Contest as me.
Step 8: Vow to never remove the disguise. Ever.
Step 9: Visit the Time-Space Law Enforcement HQ and bribe them with sausages and bananas so they'll leave me alone for a few more months.
Step 10: Spy on Qaat for a couple days and report back to me.
Step 11: Sign a contract that gives you the honor of doing everything I ask of you for the next four eternities.

Dawge's Guide #6! Dawge's Guide to Explaining Rambutan! (81)

Dawge's Guide to Explaining Rambutans:

1. Listen to The Abnormal Fruit Podcast and take extensive notes. THERE WILL BE A TEST!!

2. Cook 9∞ servings of Rambutan curry then donate them to The Needy Tissue Box Charity.

3. Léiert russesch fléissend a schreift duerno e ganze Koup vun eis Aubergien op Franséisch!

4. Translate step 3 then ignore it completely

5. Watch The Rambutan Mini-Series, a documentary by Anteater J. Pook (Aardvark Q. Pook's -73 year older brother)

6. Follow this blog and share it with your friends!

7. Hire the Weeble-Wooblian Squirrel Choir to sing at your EleMidHighLege graduation.

8. Take "The Rambutan Quiz!™".

9. Say "A rambutan is a red, plum-sized tropical fruit with soft spines and a slightly acidic taste".

The End

Dawge's Guide #5! Dawge's Guide To Driving (80)

Dawge's Guide To Driving:

1: Keep your hands at 7 and 10:38.
2: Put your gear shift into 'R' for 'Rev it up!'
3a: Check if your radio works. (No radio, no driving)
3b: If your radio doesn't work, use a squirrel choir.
4: Keep your rubber chicken tuned.
5: Mow the grass that is growing around your car.
6: Be a leaf.
7: Be nice to your car.
8: Entertain your car. (I'm A Little Teapot always works)
9: Play Paul with your car.
10: Read 1 Way to Drive a Car By Aardvark Q Pook.

If you followed all of these instructions, you'll be lucky enough to make it out of the driveway. 

The End

Dawge #62! A Buh (79)

President Bubblehead was walking home after a long day of napping when all of a sudden, the ground...did nothing and it was totally fine! So he kept walking. And then a giant Buh* fell out of the sky. For some reason, it was covering its eyes. 

Once Dawge saw it, he said, "Oh, hi! Welcome to Weeble-Wooble!" 

The Buh did nothing. It didn't even look at him!

Hmm. He thought,  Maybe it didn't hear me. 

To get the Buh's attention, Dawge slapped it with a walrus.

"Hey!" It snapped and uncovered its eyes. "It's very rude to hit a girl with a walrus!" She turned away.

"Sorry, ma'am," He said, "But what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in space?"

"Yeah! I should be! But some idiot in a Volvo put his brights on behind me! I turned around and screamed - !" 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dawge said. "This is a family friendly blog!"

"Oh," She said, "Right. Sorry. The point is he shined them right in my eyes and I was shocked and covered my eyes. I forgot I needed my flippers for floating through space." She explained. "And time." She mumbled under her breath. 

"What was that? What did you say?" He asked. 

"What? I don't know what you are talking about. You must be hearing stuff." She looked for something to change the subject with. "Uh...CHEESE!" She yelled and pointed at something behind Dawge.

Dawge turned to where she was pointing. She was right. That WAS the Statue of Liberty made out of cheese. He forgot that that was something that Goat had been working on for a while. 

While Dawge was looking at the cheese, she floated away.

The End

*A Buh is a space-faring creature that looks like a walrus with the intelligence of a human, and a tail of a beaver.

Adventuring with Fly #2b! Fly vs A Toothbrush Named Zeinnyr😛 (78)

Day 16, Entry 1: This morning when I came to, I was staring a Jaekagon* straight in the pouch. Obviously, this was a very rude thing to do, so it licked me so hard I fell backward into a pit that presumably leads to the core of My-Face. I say this because I am still falling down that pit. My-Face is a very large planet with very low gravity and concentration of noodles, so I could keep falling for quite awhile.

Day 16, Entry 2: Still falling.

Day 17: Still falling.

Day 18: Finally! I can see the grou- never mind, that was just a random holographic projection. Still falling.

Day 20: Still falling! How far does this pit go down? Oh, apparently this far. I seem to have landed in a network of tunnels. Looks like I'll have to do some explori-

    Fly's logbook leapt out of his hands. 
    "What the-?" Fly was cut off by his logbook.
    "Hello, Fly."
    "Dang it," said Fly, "I didn't know I bought a sentient logbook!"
    The logbook replied, "Well you did. And I'm not happy with how you've treated me."
    "Well you should've said something!" Fly exclaimed.
    "I... uh... I didn't have enough words written in me to be able to talk yet."
    "Hold on a sec, sentient logbooks don't work like that!" Fly exclaimed, "Tell me who you are and what you've done with my logbook!"
    "Ugh. Fine." The logbook turned into a toothbrush the size of a broom. "My name is Zeinnyr😛. And your logbook has been incinerated."
    "What‽" Fly gasped.
    "You've seen too much," explained Zeinnyr😛, "And you know too much. And you were going to share those sights and that knowledge with the others, weren't you, Fly?"
    "Yes?" Fly replied, not fully understanding Zeinnyr😛.
    "What? That can't be right. The enemy never tells the truth right away. Where do you come from?"
    "Weeble-Wooble."
    "Bizarre..." Zeinnyr😛 was still confused. "And what does Weeble-Wooble orbit around?"
    "A Yahtzee-playing dragon named Phil."
    "Oh," said Zeinnyr😛, slightly embarrassed, "my sincerest apologies. I'm looking for a different adventurer elephant named Fly from a different Weeble-Wooble that orbits around a latke-baking wagon named Bill."
    "There's two of me? Cool!" said Fly, intrigued.
    "I'll give you four wishes as compensation."
    Fly wished to have his logbook back, to have his Nebluhy cured, to go back to Weeble-Wooble, and for Zeinnyr😛 to tell him the meaning of life.
    "Don't you already know it?" asked Zeinnyr😛.
    "No, that's why I'm asking."
    "Huh. I thought everyone knew the meaning of life."
    "Well what is it‽" asked Fly, anxiously.
    "Grilled cheese sandwiches submerged in a pool of whipped cream. Bye!" And Zeinnyr😛 was gone.

    Fly told everyone about his latest adventure, and Dr. Kaat learned that he had been foiled again, because he had gone to My-Face and poisoned the magic cheese. He got so furious he fell asleep.

The End

*Jaekagons (pronounced "jay-KA-gins") are aliens on My-Face that have the shape of upside-down kangaroos and come in all colors of the rainbow, this particular one being razzmatazz.

Dawge #61! National Squirrel Day! (77)

There's a day that all Weeble-Wooblians celebrate. National Squirrel Day! 

National Squirrel Day is when everyone gathers together to celebrate the Squirrel Choir! 

They start with a potluck, then after everyone has eaten, it's time to dance! 
Of course the Squirrel Choir gets to pick the song. Their favorites are Hungarian Dance #5, Kiss From A Rose, The Butterfly Waltz, and anything by Michael Jackson. 

After dancing, Dawge, Bob, Goat, Dragon, and Fly put on a play. It's either Shakespeare (not Romeo and Juliet; normally The Tempest or As You Like It) or they re-enact the time where an ordinary thing almost got Dawge. 

Dawge was just happily skipping along Weeble-Wooble's lake, when all of a sudden, a lemon appeared. An ordinary lemon. No stripes, no battle cry. Just a lemon. The wind started pushing this lemon closer and closer to Dawge. 

Dawge's back was up against a Y-tree*. The lemon almost touched his robotic foot. Then the Squirrel Choir came! And boy were they prepared! They grabbed the lemon, put googly eyes on it, gave it pipe cleaners for arms and legs, and asked Izyoo to bless it with life. When he did, Lucas was born.

That's why they celebrate National Squirrel Day! So remember, treat your squirrels with respect, and they could save your life. 

The End

*A Y-tree is a tree that grows the letter Q.

Adventuring with Fly #2a! Fly's Journey to My-Face! (76)

Fly woke up one morning to find that his trunk had been transformed. He had a feeling he had an adventure on his ears, which called for a logbook. This is the logbook Fly kept:

Day 1, Entry 1: Today I woke up and my trunk had been turned into a neon indigo sphube. I reluctantly went to Dr. Kaat's tower because he's the only doctor in Weeble-Wooble. His diagnosis was Nebluhy and he said the only cure is a magical cheese from a planet called My-Face. I'm currently on my way to Spork's office to make sure Dr. Kaat is telling the truth.

Day 1, Entry 2: Spork says everything checks out. She let me borrow her compass rose because apparently pancakes don't have enough power to travel interstellar by themselves. Spork told me that if I didn't want to spend 3701 months in interstellar space, I'm going to need laser toast. I told her that I didn't have any and she explained that dirt works just as well. I plan to zoodle* this afternoon.

Day 1, Entry 3: I got hungry and ate the pancakes. Yeah. I'll order some more in a couple days once I get my octodaily duck shipment from Chalk Expedition Foundation Corp. Inc.

Day 4, Entry 1: I got my duck shipment and my pancakes. I'm ready to zoodle. 7279...656...38...7...purple...ZOODLE!!

Day 4, Entry 2: I've been zoodling for about 5 hours now. All I've seen so far is stars, pumpkins, and pineapples.

Day 6: I just passed a UFO. I think I saw a buffalo piloting it, with a sentient lamp by its side. I also think I might already be starting to go space-crazy.

Day 9: I'm still zoodling through space. Nothing new to report except a time-travelling spoon, two lightsabers fighting each other with humans, a giant berrystraw (a straw made of various exotic berries), two superdupercomputers having a staring contest, a keyboard playing a cat, and a cult of sentient grapes. Needless to say, it's been a boring, uneventful couple of days.

Day 15, Entry 1: I'm almost there! I can see My-Face!

Day 15, Entry 2: My brake was just stolen by the time-travelling spoon! I can't slow down! I'm gonna cra-

Is Fly okay? Find out next week!

*Zoodling is when you travel somewhere via pancakes.

Mwa ha ha ha! The Classified Post! (75)

Mwa ha ha! I got an illegal transcription of a top secret meeting between President Bubblehead and his cabinet! I've done my best to make sure as much of it is leaked as possible. -Dr. Kaat
    "o fybh86OOYW8i1. TYOa7K"
    cB2YPDuZftg. pWAqICEUCxa8Nz8MF8eOnNQ7U Mr. oerh, "Hqt Uwhqs Zz4KiATFMs-"
    mw3 anything Qenb2Xksnb9ebDF6Ix. ZrKCqis1bG, "FaCDx. 2EQwdy6DCGO9f bF69Knqo. O ISwoEU7BsK3Yr?" M8P.
    P8n6xSNI, "Ym2qA" rxNiFTgQmI, "Kdshg cosine An39PBNFa4UsIp. rthuB"
MNcY9NdQ6x5 cXpecfMCgfZ 1aQmONO79 fN, "1fOP4dDocGABXyM4Msd4Cq9HzS whether w6 4eST2KrEx9mdUhw14g3xo1XI1D"
    bcs1sQ5ISxIA? 4. cXsi4ipZ9w. "9uE"