Dawge's Guide #4! Dawge's Guide to Fixing Doorbells! (74)

Dawge's Guide to Fixing Doorbells:
Step 0a: Ring the doorbell.
Step 0b: No need fixing something that isn't broken.
Step 1: Get nyanned.
Step 2: Learn you just got nyanned, a kind of rickroll-type internet prank that instead uses Nyan Cat.
Step 3: Clone a sheep.
Step 4a: Learn how to play FIGHTERS & FAIRIES!™.
Step 4b: Win the title of best FIGHTERS & FAIRIES!™ player in Weeble-Wooble.
Step 5a: Turn yourself into a fish.
Step 5b: Play Paul for the rest of the month.
Step 6: Put bread into the toaster that the broken doorbell is on.
Step 7: Put toast into The Great Breader.
Step 9: Practice jumping until you can jump to the moon.
Step 15z: Replace the doorbell on the toaster.
Step 15y: Go to Step 0.

And that is how you fix doorbells.

Dawge's Guide #3! Dawge's Guide to Drawing! (73)

Dawge's guide to drawing:

1: Get animals.

2: Get crops.

3: Sing in the shower without water.

4: Do a celebratory dance.

5: Throw a celebratory squirrel party.

6: Go fishing. 

7: Forget what you're doing and try to remember.

8: Finally remember what you were doing after an hour.

9: Ask Bob how to cross your legs.

10: Play Paul.

11: Churn butter.

12: Give up on farming and never speak of it ever again.

The End

Frikijerplurt Day #3 (72)

    Dawge and Dragon were playing the recently-declared-traditional-by-President-Bubblehead Frikijerplurt Day Magic the Gathering-Super Dawgs & Dragons* 143-round tournament while they waited for their franks to finish cooking. 
    "That's a ninth of a point for y-" Dawge was cut off by a "TWAAR!" Suddenly, the table was on fire! Then Dragon realized that he hadn't bought franks! He'd bought Franks, dogoid creatures that spit fireballs!
    Luckily, Izyoo happened to be walking by at the time and saw what was happening, so he flooded Dawge's house to extinguish the fire and drown the Franks. Then Izyoo gave Dawge and Dragon some franks he was taking to the Move My Marbles charity.
    In the end, Dawge and Dragon got to eat their franks and finish the MTG-SD&D tournament** before Frikijerplurt Day ended.

The End

*Super Dawgs & Dragons is a game that was created by Weeble-Wooblians as a tribute to Super Dawg and Dragon for all they had done for Weeble-Wooble.
**In case you were wondering, Dragon won the tournament with a score of 57 7/9 to Dawge's -74

Dawge #60! Champagne's Chocolate Factory (71)

Dawge was walking home with Fly, until, they saw a big banner. It said:

Champagne's chocolate galore is now open! 

<-----------

Both Dawge and Fly love food, so Fly immediately called the factory and scheduled a tour for him and Dawge. Soon, Dawge got into his hover bucket/chair, and Fly got into the robotic armadillo that he stole from Qaat, and off they went.

Once they got close, they could smell the chocolate. And for some reason, they could also smell flamingos. By the factory door, there was a loofah with a turban.

Once they saw her, they got out of their rides and went up to her. "Ah! You to must be Dawge and Fly," She said, "Thank you for wanting to visit my usine! Do either of you speak French?"

Dawge and Fly looked at each other. It was obvious that she spoke French, but it looked like she could speak enough of English.

"No," Fly said, "Not really."

"Ah d'accord. Right this way, messieurs!" She led them through the factory doors. Once they were inside, the doors closed. She led them down a hall. After walking for a bit, she led them to a room with lots of steam coming out. She opened the door.

Inside, they saw treadmills. And on those treadmills, were flamingos. 

Oh! Thought Dawge, That's where the flamingo smell was coming from! 

"Now here in the factory, I find it expensive to run on water, steam, or electricity. So, I power the factory by these flamingos! I couldn't get any manual treadmills, though." She explained. 

"But, wait," Fly started, "Then you must be using elect-" Fly was cut off by Champagne.

"We really mustn't stop and talk." She started down the hall. After a little bit, they had seen the whole factory. "Well," She said, "I hope to see you two again soon. Au revoir, Monsieur Dawge! Au revoir, Monsieur Fly " 

Once Dawge and Fly were in Dawge's house, Dawge said "I have a feeling that we'll see her again."

The End

Dragon, Monster Hunter #2! The Putunataryzopzap! (70)

Dragon, the monster hunter, was in his house on Fly's rocking chair, thinking about the Dracycloptaurous. He sighed and then said, "Those were the good old days. If only I could do that again..." 

He walked out of his house. He walked for about a mile, until he saw a sign that said, 

The Putunataryzopzap. Reward:🐟 987,654,321,998,877,665,544,332,211.* Wanted Dead or dead.

Sweet! Dragon thought. This could be my big break! Finally a monster to fight! Hallelujah! Dragon did a little dance.

Okie duck pond! Where should I go first? Dragon thought for a bit. Dragon started jogging. He went to a little village. He asked someone what The Putunataryzopzap was.

"Oh," said the villager. "No one knows what The Putunataryzopzap is. All we know is that it keeps stealing our food!" 

Dragon loves food, so he set of to find this monster. He soon found a sign. It said, 

<----- This way for a delicious sandwich place. 

-----> This way for The Puntunataryzopzap's hole. 

Dragon knew exactly which way to go. He started to run for the sandwich place. After he got a delicious sandwich, he ran to The Puntunataryzopzap's hole. He stuck his head in the hole.

"Hello? Any-puntunatary home?" Dragon's voice echoed through the hole. "I guess not," Shrugged Dragon. 

"Leave!" Hissed a voice from the hole. Dragon was surprised when the voice came without a warning.

"Stop tormenting these nice villagers! Reveal yourself!" Dragon said, drawing his sword.

"Fine." It said. Dragon was expecting a giant monster with food in its claws.
But instead, Goat came out of the hole.

"Oh! Hi, Dragon! My good old friend!" Goat said.

"Wha-? IT WAS YOU?! You were the Puntunataryzopzap?!" Dragon asked in disbelief.

"The what? Did those villagers give me a silly name? Oh well," Shrugged Goat, "Good-bye!"

Goat slithered away.

Dragon just sat there in disbelief. From then on, he never trusted people who didn't know what the monster looked like.

The End

*🐟 is Weeble-Wooblian currency. It is equivalent to 17 Greek Drachmae, and is pronounced 💥.

Spork, Private Eye #3! Dishonest Abe Strikes Back (69)

Spork was at the bagpipe ranch, feeding and petting the bagpipes. Her phone started ringing, she answered it, 

"Spork, private eye speaking. How can I help?" Asked Spork. 

"Yes, hello? Spork, private eye? I need your help!" Cried the scared voice over the phone.

"What can I help you with, sir?" She asked. 

"Well," Said the person over the phone, "A thief just robbed my pet! Poor little Jorge. All without his hamster ball!" 

Spork was surprised. "I'm on my way. What does the thief look like?" 

He said, "It was tall, looked like a raccoon mixed with a sock, and it was Abraham Lincoln." 

Spork nearly dropped her jar of jellybeans the second she heard the name of her arch-nemesis.

 "I'll be right there." Spork said. She put down her phone and started to glide. She soon found a tall, black rock to rest on. The rock started moving. Then she realized that this was no rock at all, it was Abraham Lincoln's hat! 

"Well, well, well. Hello, Spork." Lincoln said. He brushed Spork off to the ground. 

"Abe," She said, "Why did you steal that nice..er.."

"Krill! I'm a krill!" Said the krill that she was talking to earlier. 

"Oh, okay," Said Spork,  "Abe, why did you steal that nice krill's hamster ball?"

Lincoln laughed manically. "Oh, you know why, Spork!" 

Spork looked confused, "No, I don't know. That's why I asked."

Lincoln said, "Grr! Eat exercise balls!" A million exercise balls came bouncing out from under his hat. "Exercise balls, squash her!" Cried Abe.

Oh snap. Thought Spork, Well, here are my plans: A; I glide away, B; I go hide in Lincoln's hat, or C; I face a very painful defeat. 

Spork thought about her plans. Then, it hit her like a ton of pounds. Of course! How could I be so blind?!

Spork ran off. Abe and the exercise balls were momentarily confused. Spork came back with a large, lovely couch, a chair, and a notebook. 

"Okay," She said, confidently, "Who would like to go first?" 

A green exercise ball came bounding up. 

"Come," She called, "Sit." The exercise ball came and sat on the couch. 

"So, let's start with what your problem is. Is it work?" She asked calmly. Soon she had done therapy with all the exercise balls. 

All the exercise balls were happy, they bounced forever together, making wonderful choices and spreading cheer. As for Spork and Abe, they will always be at each others throats forever. In fact, they probably will fight again soon! But that's a story for another time.

The End

Goat [insert action] #1! Jebediah The Sky Giraffe (68)

Goat was driving his kiwi along his usual newspaper route, when he saw a black dot in the sky. Now, this, of course, was nothing new; the sky of Weeble-Wooble was covered in black dots each called Bruce Willis. What made this Bruce Willis stand out was that its name wasn't Bruce Willis, it was A-large-meteor-that's-going-to-crash-into-you-Goat.

The non-Bruce Willis got bigger and bigger until it was almost about to crash into Goat! But then it stopped abruptly, 17.32 inches from his third eye. That was when Goat found that is wasn't Bruce Willis or a meteor; it was an airship about the size of a school bus.

When the airship fell to the ground abruptly, a small, bipedal giraffe wearing a tailcoat and a monocle hopped off of the deck and greeted Goat.

"Hello, sir!" the giraffe said with an English accent. "My name is Jebediah, but you can call me Jeb. You see, I was flying my airship around as usual, when the most peculiar thing happened; there was this gigantic duck--which reminds me of something my great-uncle Stefan once said, "If you can't fight the beaver..."

Goat zoned out, because Jeb's yammering was really boring. So, he went to his Imagination Land! the place in his head where he pretended that he was a part of his favorite soap opera, A Jelly Bean Named Gilbert.

In his Imagination Land!, Goat always played the part of Leonard the butler, who was the king of HotDogland. He was just about to hand over the key to the city to Gilbert, when he woke up.

"...said YOU SUCK!!" Jebediah screamed at the top of his lungs, then collapsed and started crying gently.

Goat had no idea what Jeb had been talking about, so he just awkwardly kneeled down next to him and pet him on the back as he muttered to himself, "Stupid Larry."

The End