Dawge #64! TV (87)

Today was a nice, weird day. The bees were screaming, the birds were yodeling, the horse heads were on their motorcycles, and Dawge was ready to watch some TV!

Now, you've got to understand that Dawge wants to save his money; that means he doesn't have NetFlop, Hooplu, Amazon, or YoToby. So he has cable, or as it's called in Weeble-Wooble, John. 

"Well," said Dawge. "Time to watch some John!"

Dawge grabbed a pigeon from outside, cradled it carefully, then threw it at the TV to turn it on. Once the TV was on, the pigeon left gracefully.

Dawge grabbed the remote and started going through channels.

Obey the Lizard Overlords or Else! Dawge loved that one. But he saw it last night, so he went to a different channel. Life as a Burger! Dawge heard that his favorite actor, Kevin Bacon (you know, the hard boiled egg), was in that classic! But, then again, he was going to watch that tonight with Fly, and didn't want to accidentally spoil the end.

Next channel! No way! Dawge's absolute FAVORITE movie! Flying with Poodles! But Dawge knew that one was illegal. 

At this point, Dawge was going to give up. But then, as he went to a new channel, he saw the well-made, action packed movie, Manta-ray with Martial Arts! 

Dawge looked at the screen, eyes wide with excitement. He grabbed the remote, turned the volume up, and then he turned the TV off. He hates Manta-ray with Martial Arts.

The End

Dawge's Guide #7! Dawge's Guide to Making Szelctor! (82)

Szelctor is a color that is exclusive to Weeble-Wooble. The only way to see it is to visit Weeble-Wooble. Szelctor is nothing like any other color. This is Dawge's guide to making it from natural Weeble-Wooblian materials:

Step 1: Get Goat to pay me back that 🐟1 Unvigintioctigentillion that he still owes me for that shaving cream made out of Superexpensivium.
Step 2: Petsit my pet mutant bison for the next couple dozen millennia.
Step 3: Finish my biosphere.
Step 4: Cram for the exam on lemons I have coming up and take it for me.
Step 5: Dig up that dinosaur skeleton I found awhile back but was too lazy to unearth myself.
Step 6: Fix my bed frame.
Step 7: Disguise yourself as me and go to the upcoming Annual Weeble-Wooble Handstanding Contest as me.
Step 8: Vow to never remove the disguise. Ever.
Step 9: Visit the Time-Space Law Enforcement HQ and bribe them with sausages and bananas so they'll leave me alone for a few more months.
Step 10: Spy on Qaat for a couple days and report back to me.
Step 11: Sign a contract that gives you the honor of doing everything I ask of you for the next four eternities.

Dawge's Guide #3! Dawge's Guide to Drawing! (73)

Dawge's guide to drawing:

1: Get animals.

2: Get crops.

3: Sing in the shower without water.

4: Do a celebratory dance.

5: Throw a celebratory squirrel party.

6: Go fishing. 

7: Forget what you're doing and try to remember.

8: Finally remember what you were doing after an hour.

9: Ask Bob how to cross your legs.

10: Play Paul.

11: Churn butter.

12: Give up on farming and never speak of it ever again.

The End

Frikijerplurt Day #3 (72)

    Dawge and Dragon were playing the recently-declared-traditional-by-President-Bubblehead Frikijerplurt Day Magic the Gathering-Super Dawgs & Dragons* 143-round tournament while they waited for their franks to finish cooking. 
    "That's a ninth of a point for y-" Dawge was cut off by a "TWAAR!" Suddenly, the table was on fire! Then Dragon realized that he hadn't bought franks! He'd bought Franks, dogoid creatures that spit fireballs!
    Luckily, Izyoo happened to be walking by at the time and saw what was happening, so he flooded Dawge's house to extinguish the fire and drown the Franks. Then Izyoo gave Dawge and Dragon some franks he was taking to the Move My Marbles charity.
    In the end, Dawge and Dragon got to eat their franks and finish the MTG-SD&D tournament** before Frikijerplurt Day ended.

The End

*Super Dawgs & Dragons is a game that was created by Weeble-Wooblians as a tribute to Super Dawg and Dragon for all they had done for Weeble-Wooble.
**In case you were wondering, Dragon won the tournament with a score of 57 7/9 to Dawge's -74

Windy 6423 #2! (67)

It's that time again! Dawge, Fly, Bob, Goat, Dragon, and Qaat are polishing their rides. Dawge is riding on his turquoise, flaming, emo emu; Fly is on his famous flying rocking chair; Bob is in a stroller with rocket boosters; Goat is scooting around on five raw chickens; Dragon is driving in his winning Chevy Equinox; and Qaat is inside a giant robotic armadillo.

They drove to the starting line, everyone throwing pebbles with excitement. The small starting rock turned red, then yellow, then finally it turned into grapes. The racers were off!

Qaat took the lead with Bob literally on his tail. Dawge was behind him. Goat was in last place.

The emo emu got upset and started running into the armadillo, thrashing his head into it with everything he's got!

"No! My armadillo!" Yelled Qaat, "You'll pay for this, Dawge! This Armadillo cost 🐟500,999,888! Armadillo, get him!"

The armadillo started running after Dawge and his emo emu.

"Sorry, Qaat. You can't attack me!" Said Dawge, "It's against the rules!"

"Curses!!!!" Howled Qaat. They both started racing again.

They finally reached the end, but Qaat got there right before Dawge. Qaat smiled evilly. The trophy appeared, but not in Qaat's flippers, it appeared in Goat's tail. Dawge and Qaat came in last place. Goat never mistreated raw chickens again.

Dawge #49! President Bubblehead's Vacation (55)

Being the president of Weeble-Wooble was hard work, and President Bubblehead needed a break. So he decided to go on a banana-watching cruise for a few weeks, and leave his Vice President, Bernard, in charge of the Plaid House.

"Goodbye President Bubblehead!" Said Bernard, as President Bubblehead was boarding his boat, "Good luck, and don't get eaten by an evil lemon-whale!" 

"Trust me, I won't!" Replied Bubblehead, slightly confused. 

Bernard was a rabbit, and a very suspicious one too. He also happened to be near Bubblehead all seven times that he had nearly died. Being a trusting person, Bubblehead brushed the thoughts away as a weird coincidence. He should just lay back and enjoy the bananas.

Meanwhile, back at the Plaid House, Bernard had stolen a wizard's wand, and was turning everyone into chairs and cubes of ham.

"Muahahaha!" Bernard laughed as he turned President Bubblehead's pet raccoon into an ottoman. "Now that everyone else is out of the way, I can rule supreme as Grand Emperor of Weeble-Wooble, soon to be named, Bernardville!"

Thankfully, Izyoo happened to be walking by. He saw the chaos, flicked his fin, and turned everything back to normal. Except for Bernard. He turned him into a nice hat.

"Well," Izyoo said, as he brushed off his hands, "Now that that's done, I can go to my yoga class!"

The End

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Dawge #48! Knock Knock Knocking On Izyoo's Door! (54)

It was a hot day in Weeble-Wooble, and Dawge needed to cool down. He decided to go to the beach. He got into his swimsuit with tiny horses on it, and enjoyed a day at the beach. He was having tons of fun with an incredibly friendly octopus, until a fisherman mistook him for a seahorse, and caught him in his net. Sadly, Dawge drowned and went to Fish Heaven. 

When Dawge arrived in Fish Heaven, he was greeted by a humongous roosterfish wearing a long flowing robe. This was Izyoo, the fish god.

"Hello, Dawge! I've been waiting awhile, but not quite long enough. What happened?" Asked Izyoo,

"Fishing net." Dawge replied.

Izyoo nodded. 

"Well, do you want to go back?" Izyoo inquired,

"That would be nice." Dawge said,

"Okey-dokey." Said Izyoo.

With a flourish of Izyoo's fins, Dawge was back at the beach, as if the whole thing had never happened. Because it hadn't, Dawge was delirious from lack of oxygen. The fisherman had immediately realized his mistake, and set Dawge gently back on the beach.

The End

Dawge #44! 2nd Anniversary Edition! (50)

I can't believe it! I've been publishing Adventures of Dawge for two years now! And over the years, a lot has changed: I've started writing full-fledged short stories instead of just random sentences; Lots of new characters have joined us; (Including Qaat, Bubs, and Urghh) And Mr. Bubblehead became president! 

To celebrate this momentous occasion, I would like to share a poem, written by Dawge himself:

An Ode To Random.

Through the arc of doom
I think of large giraffes

And little baby buffalo
Wearing multi-colored hats

Rabid werewolf-monkeys
And demons that are snobs

An evil flying dogfish
That's stinking at his job

A semi-worried flea
Who quite misses his son

And little lemon creatures
That eat people for fun

But when day is over
And when the sun is set

Nothing makes me quite as happy
As Urghh doing The Nutcracker ballet.

Dawge #43! Dawge's Guide To Not Fishing! (49)

Dawge's Guide To Not Fishing:
Step 1: Don't go to the local Mart-Mart and buy a fishing pole.
Step 2: Don't also buy a whole bunch of fishing lures and bait.
Step 3: Don't get yourself a cool fishing outfit like this:

Step 4: Don't get an awesome-looking fishing boat.

Step 5: Don't gather together all of your friends, give them fishing poles and      outfits, and bring them fishing with you.

Step 6: Don't take a cool, long car trip to get to a really big lake.

Step 7: Don't stop at the big lake and gawk at the beauty of it.

Step 8: Don't get in the boat and out onto the lake.

Step 9: DON'T GO FISHING

And that is how you not fish.

Super Dawg #4! How Super Dawg Invented Potatoes! (34)

Apologies, this post does not exist. It was brutally tickled out of existence by an abnormally talkative, pink shoelace named Miranda. This is that story.

    One fateful Smarch mafternoon, Super Dawg was retelling the story of how he invented potatoes to Aiden to transcribe. He was just getting to the part with Superman, when a shoelace burst into the room! It was packing heat and it wanted revenge!
    "Thought you were rid of me, didn't you, Super Dawg!?" The shoelace yelled angrily. 
    "I thought I took care of you, Miranda! I ate that chocolate milk and everything!" Super Dawg replied, surprised.
    "Of course you would think that, wouldn't you! But no matter, I'm back now, and I'm going to stop your story from being published, if it's the last thing thing I do!"
    Miranda pulled out her AK Feather-7 and tickled the computer that Aiden was typing on.
    "Mwahaha! Now the true story of potatoes will never be known!" And it wasn't.

The End