Super Dawg #9! Spprk, Super Private Eye #6! Weeble-Wooble vs An Old Man Named Larry Brown! (100!!)

NOTE: This is the final post chronologically.

  One day, Dawge was sitting on the beach in his lawn chair watching the whales fly. He was depressed because most of his friends were off on side adventures.
  Suddenly, a gray beam hit one of the whales, and it fell down into the ocean!
  "This is a job for-" said Dawge as he prepared to turn into Super Dawg, but then he realized there were other sentient beings around, like his lawn chair (whose name is Mike, by the way).
  Dawge was about to take the long road back to his house when, before he realized what was going on, he was lifted onto a compass rose by none other than Spprk herself.
  "You can change into Super Dawg up here;" she said, "literally no one pays attention to compasses these days."
  "Alright, than- WAIT A SIXTIETH OF A MINUTE!! HOW DO YOU KNO-"
  "I'm a super detective," Spprk calmly explained, "and also Spork."
  Dawge fainted from shock. Luckily, Spprk had her radio, so she tuned in to Clam Choir: Giving the Squirrel Choir Competition Since Last Week. Super Dawg woke up immediately.
  "How did you kno-"
  "I'm a super detective." Spprk explained.

  After about four minutes of flying toward where Spprk suspected the source was, the flying compass rose stopped flying and instead started falling toward the ground. Luckily, Super Dawg was able to slow their fall using laser toast.
  "Where is the criminal‽" asked Super Dawg.
  "That way!" said Spprk, pointing with her tail.
  The two superheroes started running toward the source. They passed Jebediah's house as the sky giraffe was watering his garden. A gray beam hit him and he turned into an ordinary giraffe, and his clothes disappeared too.
  "Aaaaah!" Super Dawg screamed, "That is the most horrifying thing I've seen past the Hill of Harmless Radioactivity!"
  Spprk got out her amnesia squirt gun and shot Super Dawg, and then herself.
  "Thanks, I think." said Super Dawg.
  "No problem."
  Another gray beam hit Spprk's amnesia squirt gun and it turned into an ordinary squirt gun that doesn't give you amnesia.
  "I sure hope we don't need that," said Spprk.
  Spprk and Super Dawg finally made it to Paul Stadium #2 and found an old man with a gray brick-looking remote shooting the gray beams.
  Super Dawg got out a megaphone and shouted, "THIS IS WEEBLE-WOOBLIAN LAW ENFORCEMENT!! STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING IMMEDIATELY AND STATE YOUR BUSINESS OR I WILL FIRE LASER TOAST AT YOU!!"
  The old man paused in the middle of pressing the button. "My name is Larry Brown, and I am normalizing Weeble-Wooble. Also, Weeble-Wooble has laws?" asked Larry Brown, chuckling.
  "Yes, in fact it does;" said Super Dawg through the megaphone, "for one, it is illegal to say 'no' to me. Any violators will receive up to two years in chocolate prison and/or a 30,000 duck fi-"
  Super Dawg was cut off by a humongous Gila monster that had the horns of a rhino, the tail of a scorpion, and the spines of a porcupine leaping out of the ground. Yes, it was none other than Norrix, the one who gives Weeble-Wooble its weirdness. He had awoken because Larry Brown had said "I am normalizing Weeble-Wooble."
  Norrix leapt at Larry Brown. In response, Larry Brown fired a gray normalization beam at Norrix. That is something you should never, ever, ever do. Because of the extreme imbalance of weirdness, both Norrix and Larry Brown exploded into decks of special playing cards, Norrix's contingency plan for if he was ever destroyed. These magical playing cards can be used to make stuff weird, except for the jacks of hearts, which produce an infinite supply of strawberry milk. All Weeble-Wooble rejoiced, and they all lived weirdly ever after.

The End

Adventuring With Fly #3b! The Monster's Lair! (99)

Hour 37: I've been winding through hallways for hours. I think this place is a maze.
Hour 43: I hear something! It sounds like disco. I'm heading toward the sound now.

Fly came to the entrance of a room. He couldn't believe his eyes, so he rebooted them. After the 8.4 second reboot cycle, he still saw the same thing.

"Let's party!"

There were a bunch of `s having a disco party! And in the middle of the room, right above the disco cube...

"Dragon‽ What are you doing here? And why do you have a toothbrush costume on?"

"I'm celebrating my Bort-hay, and this time it's toothbrush themed!" Dragon replied, "By the way, where's the exotic thing you promised me?"

"Uh..." Thinking quickly, Fly got out the last of the digging competition prize from his left upper inner pocket and gave it to Dragon. "Here, I got you this."

"A slice of the legendary $‡3dã? Wow, thanks Fly!"

"Er, you're welcome." Unbeknownst to Fly, the $‡3dã is a legendary semifood found seldom in the Milky Qay. Why the ` leaders were just giving it away for only an hour of digging is still under investigation by Spork.

The End

Adventuring With Fly #3a! Quest For Something Exotic! (98)

One day, Fly was peacefully eating carrots. Suddenly, there was silence at his door, which was unusual; Fly's door is usually making koala sounds. Fly opened his door to find a T. Rex. The T. Rex said, "I am the Keeper of Promises Made By Animals With Trunks. You promised Dragon you'd get something exotic for his Bort-hay, which is today at 74:20 BM."

Fly started getting nervous. He had forgotten all about that. He knew what happened to animals with trunks that didn't keep their promises; he didn't want to lose his trunk for the third time.

"I promised Dragon I'd get him something exotic for his Bort-hay, and I will."

This is the logbook Fly kept on his quest to get Dragon something exotic:

Hour 1, Entry 1: I bought a teleporter and set the destination to "random place within 4 pancake-rolls*. Here I go...
Hour 1, Entry 2: Something I didn't notice earlier: there are 17,495 buttons on this teleporter, and each one has its own volume of the instruction manual explaining what it does. I don't have time to listen to the instruction manual talk at every volume, so I'm going to press all of the buttons at once and hope for the best.
Hour 1, Entry 3: The good news is that one of the buttons is the teleport button. The bad news is that the other 17,494 buttons are also the teleport button, so I'm very, very, very far away from Weeble-Wooble.
Hour 2, Entry 1: I have befriended a soot-black, marshmallow-shaped creature. She is leading me to her home now.
Hour 2, Entry 2: Her home's walls are made of a curious air-like substance. It's very annoying. It keeps asking me questions.
Hour 4: I met some of the leaders of the marshmallow creature community. Apparently they're called something that is impossible to write down, so from now on I'll refer to them as `.
Hour 7: I've entered some sort of digging competition. I'm not sure what the prize is, but it looks delicious.
Hour 8: I won! Still not exactly sure what the prize was, and I'm not even sure I was supposed to eat it, but it was the best tasting thing I ever ate!
Hour 11: I've just heard a rumor that there's a monster picking off the `s one by one. If you ask me, it sounds like a job for Dragon.
Hour 28: I saw the monster! It looks like a toothbrush!
Hour 31: I was able to trace the monster back to its lair. I recruited some ninja teeth along the way to help me in case things get nasty.
Hour 32: The ninja teeth were finally able to chew up the door to the lair. I'm going in now.

To be continued...

*1 pancake-roll is the distance a pancake can travel in the time it takes Phil to roll Weeble-Wooble once.

Spprk, Super Private Eye #5! Odorant With Sunglasses! (97)

Spprk was doing her routine crawl in the forest when she smelled something strange. The smell started getting stronger and stronger, so Spprk sprayed some deodorant up her nose to keep away most of the smell and then went to find the source of it.

On her way, Spprk came across an Utikimilj*. In addition to preventing her from going any further, which is to be expected, it was also singing a lullaby, which got Spprk so excited she wanted to tape herself to the nearest cloud. But Spprk was on a case right now, so she waited until the next day, Western Tree Day, the start of an annual period in Weeble-Wooble when it is illegal for Utikimiljes to exist. The Utikimilj promptly disappeared, and Spprk carried on.

Her next obstacle was a mechanical rhinoceros. Actually, this wasn't much of an obstacle; Spprk kindly asked the rhinoceros to move out of the way. The rhino moved to reveal a sentient stick of odorant** wearing sunglasses. Her odormeter started quacking like somebody was giving away free pianos; this was almost certainly the source of the smell, but in order to close the case, Spprk had to be sure.

"Are you producing a strange smell?" asked Spprk.

The odorant answered, "Yes."

"That's another case solved by Spprk, super private eye!"

The End

*An Utikimilj (ooh-TEE-kee-milj) is a tiny sentient opera house that will stop at nothing (except eggs wrapped in banana peels, of course) to prevent living things from passing it. It knows the answers to all the mysteries of bacon and communicates by sneezing. It can often be found singing very exciting tunes.
**Odorant is the opposite of deodorant. Need I say more?

Dawge #68! The Glüps! (96)

Dawge was going on his mid-mid morning stroll through where the skeins of yarn grow, when he saw a giraffe. Of course, Dawge stopped and sat right in front of it because Dawge is a law abiding citizen now.

After exactly 2.3 seconds, Dawge got up, fed it a pickled pickle, and continued walking.

"Ahh," Dawge sighed, "What a great day. And just like Aardvark Q. Pook once wrote, 'The better your day gets, the older lemons will get.'"

Dawge soon saw a small gathering of trees, and peeked inside. Dawge was flabbergasted.

Inside, there was a village of Glüps*! Due to the green and blue buttons laying around, he could guess that it was Vote For Me Day!

Dawge, knowing how dangerous these creatures can be, stepped in cautiously.

One of the Glüps notices him coming in, and thought he was running for King**. 

The little Glüp ran up to his friend and shouted excitedly, "Glüp glüp!" 

"Glüp?! Glüp. Glüp glüp. GLÜP GLÜP GLÜP GLÜP GLÜP!!" His friend replied.

"Glüp glüp glüp," said the little Glüp to his other Glüp friend, "Glüp glüp glüp glüp glüp glüp glüp!"

Dawge could understand what they were saying, due to his Glüp translator. The conversation went like this:

"Hey, hey!"

"Huh?! Oh, it's you. DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!"

"No no no, you don't understand. I met one of the candidates!"

Dawge was then thrown up onto the tree trunk, where they would smack their buttons, and vote.

Dawge was nervous. Being the Glüps' King was a big responsibility. But he was willing to do it. 

He was up there with another Glüp running for Queen.

After 30 minutes, they finally figured out how buttons work. And that Dawge wasn't a Glüp, too.

"GLLLLÜÜÜÜÜP!!!" Shouted one of the Glüps.

It was a word Dawge never wanted to hear. "WAAAARRRRRR!!!"

All of a sudden, Dawge was swarmed by Glüps. All of them were bumping into him and making the noise of a squeaky toy.

If Dawge didn't run, he would've been...I don't know but probably something bad!

Luckily, Dawge got away from them and threw a giant mushroom behind him to keep them there forever. Unless they ask nicely.

The End 

*Glüps are creatures that have the nose of a turtle, derpy eyes, and a squiggle smile. They also float about one foot off the ground.

**Glüps live in a monarchy, but vote like it's a democracy. Who ever wins gets tiny sparkly wings that do absolutely nothing, but they look pretty (kinda)!

Super Dawg #8! Dr. Kaat Kidnaps Spork! (95)

Dawge and Spork were having a very insightful conversation on a beautiful Satuesday morning.
    "But is pudding really edibl-"
    Suddenly, Dr. Kaat appeared! "Hello, Dawge. Hello, Spork. Bad-bye, Dawge. Come with me, Spork." Dr. Kaat grabbed Spork's tail and flew away on his evil rocket-powered hover-blimp.
    "Spork! No!" Dawge called, "I'll get someone to save you!"
    Dawge ran home and danced Gangnam Style for 9.26 seconds to turn the toaster on his back into a suit of armor. He was now Super Dawg, the crime-fighting catfish! Super Dawg flew to Dr. Kaat's tower.
"Hello, Super Dawg," Dr. Kaat said, evilly, "I presume you came here to save Spork."
  "Nope. Just came by to give you your weekly lemon shipment. Your normal lemon delivery fish is busy today."
"What‽ He's never been busy! What's he doing?"
A sound came from behind Dr. Kaat which vaguely resembled the sound of a bathtub being drained. Then there was an explosion of rambutan juice, and a clown car came flying out from the blast in slow motion. The clown car proceeded to eat Dr. Kaat. Then one of the doors opened and out came Spork, followed by a fish with a tie that said Weeble-Wooble Lemon Delivery Service Inc.
"Saving Spork, ya smelly dog!"

The End

Dawge #67! How to Play Gerald! (94)

The semiannual Gerald tournament is coming up, and Neff the fish (primarily of Paul fame) makes minor rule changes every tournament based on what professional Gerald players have been asking for. These are the updated rules for this half-year:

The rules for Gerald are very simple. Gerald can be played by living beings and animate objects. It can only be played by 2 players, except, of course, on the days before and after the Windy 6423, when it can be played by up to 17,495. The game starts with rock-rock-rock-rock*. Whoever wins gets to go third.

For the first 🍋ty hours, both players build tiny rockets. Once that time is up, the players take a break and have a picnic (honey sandwiches are a popular choice of food for this part of the game). After the picnic, the players launch their rockets at the others in an attempt to destroy their own. The first player to successfully destroy all of their rockets and call out "¡Dü!" gets 6¼ points. If multiple players call out "¡Dü!"at the same time, those who didn't call out "¡Dü!" lose two 🍎ths of a point.

The players then having a diving contest against the Weeble-Wooble squirrel choir. The players get the floor of the 4.79th root of their score points until the judges give one of the players a score of less than 7.3. Then all points are counted up and whoever has the second lowest amount of points wins. If multiple players are tied for the second lowest score, they play another game of Gerald to decide the winner.

Rule changes made for this tournament:
- All Jack Flap strategies have been banned.
- No more popcorn business. Looking at you, Bert.
- The controversial Miss Shelly maneuver has been allowed again.
- Players are now allowed to eat pizza during the picnic.
- Rockets must be made out of a material that can be destroyed. Looking at you, Bert.
- Players are no longer allowed to distract their opponents with algebra problems at any point during the game. Looking at you, Bert.
- The Ully Defense has been banned.
- No rule breaking or bending of any kind will be tolerated. Looking at you, Bob.

*For those unfamiliar, rock beats rock, rock ties rock, rock beats rock, rock beats rock, rock ties rock, and rock beats rock.

Dawge #66! Half of the Power-Fluff Gerbils Turn Evil! (93)

Dr. Kaat and Dishonest Abe had finally finished their latest evil invention: the Lemon-Picklotron.

"As soon as we turn these olives," explained Dr. Kaat, "the Lemon-Picklotron will send out a pulse of mustard energy that will turn Super Dawg, Spprk, and any other superheroes that may be in Weeble-Wooble evil! Mwa ha ha ha ha!!"

Dr. Kaat and Dishonest Abe each turned 2¹∕₃ olives, and the Lemon-Picklotron activated. Unfortunately for Dr. Kaat and Dishonest Abe, Super Dawg and Spprk were just plain Dawge and Spork at the time, so the mustard energy pulse didn't detect any superheroes when it reached them.

But the Power-Fluff Gerbils are never their secret identity, mostly because they don't have one. So when the mustard energy pulse reached them, evil versions of themselves visited them in a dream. Unfortunately for Dr. Kaat and Dishonest Abe, the evil versions weren't as powerful as they had thought. This is what happened:



In Floofers' dream, Evil Floofers offered to trade the key Floofers was holding for some chocolate chip cookies. Floofers immediately accepted.

In Not-Betty's dream, she had an epic battle with Evil Not-Betty! Eventually, though, Not-Betty got trapped, and it looked like it was the end for her.

"You might as well just give me the key," said Evil Not-Betty, evilly, "the key to your mind."

Suddenly, Not-Betty got an idea! "You want a key? How about 104 of 'em?" Evil Not-Betty was crushed by a grand piano. Not-Betty had won the battle! She proceeded to dream about Lollipop Land.

Finally, in Betty's dream, she had an epic battle with Evil Betty! And like Not-Betty, she too was eventually trapped.

"You might as well just give me the key," said Evil Betty, evilly, "the key to your mind."

"What? What key?" asked Betty, confused.

"Wait, what? Where'd the key go? Where did you put it?" asked Evil Betty, furious.

"I don't know what you're talking about," replied Betty, "but I do have this thing." Betty held up a cucumber shaped like a cat. Knowing its power, Evil Betty quickly snatched it from Betty's tail. Turns out it gives the user control over half of Betty.

When the Power-Fluff Gerbils woke up in the morning, Floofers had been turned evil, Not-Betty was the same as when she had fallen asleep, and Betty was half-good, half-evil.

What will the Power-Fluff Gerbils do next?

Find out eventually!

Dawge #65! Wombat Fairies (92)

Dawge was walking in the park. It was a beautifully weird day. The birds were playing poker, the bees were screaming, and Bruce Willis was more deadly than ever! When Dawge went home to his enormous mansion, he noticed that his computer was gone! 

"AAH!" Dawge screamed like a little pineapple. 

He ran to his fireplace, chanted "Goat Sucks!" three and a half times, and a pillow landed on Dawge's head. He wrote something on it a really long time ago. It said, "You lost something again, didn't you? Either that, or you were taking your early morning goat hate. Anyway, just go into the forest to think." 

"Oh, okay." Dawge said. 

He went into the forest. But all of a sudden, in the middle of a beautiful clearing, he saw a glowing orb.

"Ooh!" Dawge called. "It's shiny! Oh, and it's the great and powerful orb of Goolak, keeper of a million dreams and wishes. Cool."

Dawge touched it, a sandwich appeared on the ground. And then another, and another, and another! The sandwiches spelled something out.

It said "Dawge, come on! We don't got all day! Follow the arrow made out of ducks!"

Dawge turned and saw a perfect duck arrow pointing to where some of the magical Weeble-Wooblian creatures lived; the elusive Wombat Fairies.

He followed the duck arrow until he saw one! A Wombat Fairy!

"Hiya!" The Wombat Fairy called in a cheerful, high-pitched voice. "Follow me to Queen Yyyya*, Queen of the Wombat Fairies!" She flew away.

Dawge followed her with caution, knowing that Wombat Fairies look small, but can be very dangerous.

Dawge followed her to a small banana. She stopped and looked at Dawge.

"So is this your castle? A small banana?" Dawge asked.

"No. It's behind the small banana." she explained.

Dawge looked and saw a giant banana.

Once they went inside, they saw Queen Yyyya sitting on a throne of rain, holding the great and powerful orb of Goolak, keeper of a million dreams and wishes.

"Dawge!" Queen Yyyya greeted Dawge, "I would love to talk, and I'm glad to see you in front of me, and not through a window where my troops spy on everyone in Weeble-Wooble and report back to me, but I'm busy."

"But-" Dawge started but was cut off when his hamster phone started ringing. He answered.

"Sir? Where are you? I left to clean your computer for one minute and you're already gone!" said the voice. It was his sock puppet butler.

"Oh. Sorry, Bab. I'll be right back," Dawge responded.

And Dawge went home. 

The End

*Yyyya is pronounced "EEEE-a"

Goat [insert action] #2! Some Actual Goats! (91)

Goat the snake was discussing perfectly normal and completely legal legitimate business with a bottle of root beer, when a yellow sheet of paper flew majestically through the air, doing loop-de-loops and all sorts of tricks before landing gracefully inside Goat's pancreas. After several hours of life-threatening surgery to remove the paper, Goat read it and discovered it was a coupon for 100% off any purchase at a Goat spa! Although he was a snake, his name was Goat and he loved spas, so he decided to give it a go.

When Goat made it to the spa, he noticed it was different from others... It had a tennis court! He made it inside and asked the sausage at the counter for a full-experience goat's day. The sausage agreed without a second thought, since sausages don't have brains. The sausage took Goat to a changing room for him to put on a tiny, comfy little robe.

Once Goat managed to fit his non-existent legs through the four leg holes in the robe, he dove into a pit of pudding with a fiery passion! And then laid on his back peacefully while multicolored badgers somehow managed to give him a manicure. After about 74.23 minutes of relaxation, Goat looked up to see the entire spa full of goats! He jumped out of the pudding pit to investigate.

Goat strode through the halls looking at the name tags on the robes all the goats were wearing. He saw three goats named Hans, two named Karl, and several dozen named Friedrich. Then, he realized his mistake: this wasn't a Goat spa with a capital G, it was a German spa with a capital G! And another mystery is solved, thanks to the genius-mastermind-ninja-alpha-geek-wizard that is Goat!

Super Dawg #7! Party Bus in Paris! (90)

Our favorite toaster-suit wearing, crime-fighting catfish, Super Dawg was patrolling the streets of Paris as he always does. He'd had a wonderful evening of enchantment, magic, and flaming baby cannons. 

He was about to head over to Zac Efron's house for a good old game of hopscotch, when he saw Madagascar over the horizon! We all know that Madagascar and France is not a good mix, so Super Dawg went over to shoo the island away gently. But when he got there, it wasn't Madagascar after all! It was actually a party bus! 

Before Super Dawg could do anything, the gorillas from the bus had tied him up, stuffed him in a jar of pickles, and locked him in a literal cage of resentment. He tried to escape, but gorillas are the best knot-tiers in the world! If there were gorillas around when Houdini was alive, he would have never stood a chance.

The more Super Dawg struggled, the flimsier the ropes became. He struggled and struggled and struggled some more, until the ropes finally lept off of him like really noodley ballerinas! The moment he was free, some ducks came at him with everything they had, and boy were they steamed. They were the masterminds of this operation, after all.

Thankfully, ducks are no match for the duck food-flinging prowess of Super Dawg! After the ducks had failed, it looked like everything was safe, but then came the actual Madagascar! It picked up on of the many ocean liners lying around and tickled all the remaining animals in Paris with it. 

Super Dawg stood up and dusted himself off. He saluted Madagascar for its bravery and Madagascar saluted back. The island then sunk back into the ocean and back to where it belonged: Kansas.

And, again, the day was saved by Madagascar!

The End

Dragon, Monster Hunter #3! Lucy Goes Missing! (89)

Dragon was strolling through the bagpipe ranch when he saw Bob counting his bagpipes.

"Hi, Bob!" Dragon said cheerfully. He reached out his hand for Bob to shake it.

"No!" Bob shouted.

"Well, I know my hands aren't the cleanest, but-" Dragon started.

"No!" Bob said. "Not that! Look!" He pointed to his bagpipe pen. It was full of gloop, rainbows, and half the bagpipes were cardboard cutouts!

Dragon gasped. "Bob..." He started. "Nothing changed."

"Sorry. The OTHER pen." He pointed to the pen that was titled: The OTHER pen.

One of the bagpipes was missing!

"Dragon! A monster took one of my precious babies! LUCY!!"

A monster, eh? Thought Dragon, It's about time. "Don't worry, Bob! I will save your bagpipe." 

"Thank you, Dragon! The monster went that a-way!" Bob stretched out his hand and pointed to the left, then straight, and then another left, then a loop-de-loop, then purple, then right, then corkscrew, then upside down backwards, then invisible, then into a large building.

And with that, Dragon was off! 

He turned left, then straight, then left, then a loop-de-loop, then purple, then right, then corkscrew, then upside down backwards, then invisible, then into a large building.

There he saw the Kraken sitting on a throne made out of lies and jello in the shape of Canada. And it looked like he was holding Lucy!

All right, Kraken. Dragon thought. It's go time. 

Dragon ran up to it, and challenged the Kraken to the famous Weeble-Wooblian sport: Kickball-unicycle-hockey: 1958 Rubber Duck Edition.

The Kraken accepted. This guy is so going down. Dragon thought.

After Dragon's defeat, the Kraken started playing Take On Me by A-ha on the clarinet. And he handed the bagpipe to Dragon.

Dragon took the bagpipe back to Bob.

"Uh...Lucy is The Kraken." Bob said.

Dragon face-palmed.

The End

Jim and The Buffalo #4! (88)

We join Jim the sentient lamp and Bub the buffalo as Jim is being taken by a giant intergalactic lemon-monster.

As Bub watched the monster grab his friend, he hit the button marked Super awesome mega weapon button! A giant bazooka came out of the ship. With it pointed right at the lemon-monster, Bub shot it.

Jim looked in disbelief at the bazooka. He was going to scream with surprise, but it was too late. The bubbles flew straight out of the bazooka right into the lemon-monster. 

The creature stumbled backwards, fell, and dropped Jim. Bub grabbed his pool skimmer and reached out for Jim, but it wasn't long enough.

"Hey!" A voice called, "Need some help?"

Bub turned and nodded. 

"Okay! Just hold on!" The voice calling was a Buh.

The Buh reached for Jim, but a giant gust of wind came and blew it away.

"Tell my story!" The Buh called as its voice grew fainter and fainter.

Bub started growing frantic. 

Just then, a gigantic chicken walked by, picked up Jim, dropped him in Bub's ship, and walked away.

Bub and Jim just looked at each other, hugged, then flew back to Weeble-Wooble.

The End

Dawge #64! TV (87)

Today was a nice, weird day. The bees were screaming, the birds were yodeling, the horse heads were on their motorcycles, and Dawge was ready to watch some TV!

Now, you've got to understand that Dawge wants to save his money; that means he doesn't have NetFlop, Hooplu, Amazon, or YoToby. So he has cable, or as it's called in Weeble-Wooble, John. 

"Well," said Dawge. "Time to watch some John!"

Dawge grabbed a pigeon from outside, cradled it carefully, then threw it at the TV to turn it on. Once the TV was on, the pigeon left gracefully.

Dawge grabbed the remote and started going through channels.

Obey the Lizard Overlords or Else! Dawge loved that one. But he saw it last night, so he went to a different channel. Life as a Burger! Dawge heard that his favorite actor, Kevin Bacon (you know, the hard boiled egg), was in that classic! But, then again, he was going to watch that tonight with Fly, and didn't want to accidentally spoil the end.

Next channel! No way! Dawge's absolute FAVORITE movie! Flying with Poodles! But Dawge knew that one was illegal. 

At this point, Dawge was going to give up. But then, as he went to a new channel, he saw the well-made, action packed movie, Manta-ray with Martial Arts! 

Dawge looked at the screen, eyes wide with excitement. He grabbed the remote, turned the volume up, and then he turned the TV off. He hates Manta-ray with Martial Arts.

The End

Dawge's Guide #8! Dawge's Guide to Owning A Multi-Million Dollar Industry! (86)

As I'm sure you all know by now, Dawge is the CEO of Walmart, a company that sells pretty much anything you could ever want! So today, Dawge would like to show you how you can start and own the next big company!

1. Start a store.

2. Sell something. This can literally be anything.

3. Stop getting business because you decided to sell the letter C.

4. Close your store.

5. Give up on your dream on becoming the next Walmart; it's not happening.

6a. Write an application for a job as the clown-chorister for the Weeble-Wooblian Squirrel Choir (they really need one).

6b. Send your application via the NEWWPS (Non-Existent Weeble-Wooble Postal Service).

7. Never get a response from the Squirrel Choir because: 
a) You're not "clowny" enough.
b) You're too "clowny".
c) You forgot to follow step 6b.
d) Squirrels can't write or send letters for religious reasons.
e) The NEWWPS doesn't actually exist, hence the name.

8. Um... get into high finance?

9. Ignore step 8 and just get a job at Walmart.

10. Forget you ever wanted to start your own store, because the thought will spiritually haunt you for the rest of your dog's life.

Poetry with Qaat #1! If You See a Hamster (85)

If you see a hamster gnawing sadly on a tree,
Make sure to never touch it, for it's poison, you can see.

If you wish to live, a smart suggestion you should take
is run away so very far away without a single break.

When the hamster starts to scream and calls you nasty names
Feel free to turn around and shout things equally profane.

Soon enough the cops will come around and take you both away
for screaming quite annoyingly. There's only you to blame.

And so because you chose to walk through risky hamster lands,
you're locked inside a jail ya doy, with shackles on your hands.

And now my warning's over with, I hope you will beware
of poison hamsters near and far, they're lurking everywhere.

Dawge #63! Bernard and The Magical Train of Fantasticalness! Part 1 (84)

Spprk, Super Private Eye #4! A Weeble-Wooblian Philosophical Investigation! (83)

    For millennia, one question has remained unanswered:

    "If someone with six ducks buried in their backyard opens a present before their Bort-hay, will the lawnmower in their aunt's garage begin to dance Gangnam style?"
    Investigating this is none other than Spprk, super private eye. Actually, a couple other people than Spprk, super private eye: Fly, for his thirst for adventure; Bert (Fly's cousin), because they needed someone's cousin, and Bert was the easiest to get in contact with; Joe (one of the cryptozoologists from Fly's adventures), for his scientific knowledge; and Dragon, for his fearlessness. 
    It was 14 o' clock YM. The presents for Bert's Bort-hay were in the Grapefruit.
    "Is everyone in position?" asked Spprk on the compass call.
    "Yup. I'm in mom's garage." replied Fly.
    "And I've got him defended!" added Dragon.
    "I've got six ducks buried in my backyard, and I'm ready to open a present!" said Bert.
    "And I've got Weeble-Wooble under my watch." said Spprk, as she flew around Weeble-Wooble with her compass rose. "Joe, everyone is in position."
    "Alright then," said Joe, "Bert, it's time to open your present."
    "Hooray! Early Bort-hay present!" said Bert as he cut open the Grapefruit.
    Meanwhile, in Fly's mom's garage, nothing was happening.
    On the other hand, while flying around, Spprk saw something in the distance begin to glow. Curious, she flew toward it. As she got closer, she heard a sound, and then a tune, and then a voice, and then...
♪♫NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN♪♫
    A glowing centipede was cosplaying as Nyan Cat! Spprk had been nyanned!
    "You guys getting this?" asked Spprk on the compass call.
    "Yup." said Joe, Fly, Bert, and Dragon.
    "Conclusion, Joe?"
    Joe answered, "While it appears that having six ducks buried in your backyard while opening a present before your Bort-hay will not cause the lawnmower in your aunt's garage to dance Gangnam Style, it will cause a detective squirrel to get nyanned by a glowing centipede."
    "And that's another case solved by Spprk, super private eye!"

The End

Dawge's Guide #7! Dawge's Guide to Making Szelctor! (82)

Szelctor is a color that is exclusive to Weeble-Wooble. The only way to see it is to visit Weeble-Wooble. Szelctor is nothing like any other color. This is Dawge's guide to making it from natural Weeble-Wooblian materials:

Step 1: Get Goat to pay me back that 🐟1 Unvigintioctigentillion that he still owes me for that shaving cream made out of Superexpensivium.
Step 2: Petsit my pet mutant bison for the next couple dozen millennia.
Step 3: Finish my biosphere.
Step 4: Cram for the exam on lemons I have coming up and take it for me.
Step 5: Dig up that dinosaur skeleton I found awhile back but was too lazy to unearth myself.
Step 6: Fix my bed frame.
Step 7: Disguise yourself as me and go to the upcoming Annual Weeble-Wooble Handstanding Contest as me.
Step 8: Vow to never remove the disguise. Ever.
Step 9: Visit the Time-Space Law Enforcement HQ and bribe them with sausages and bananas so they'll leave me alone for a few more months.
Step 10: Spy on Qaat for a couple days and report back to me.
Step 11: Sign a contract that gives you the honor of doing everything I ask of you for the next four eternities.

Dawge's Guide #6! Dawge's Guide to Explaining Rambutan! (81)

Dawge's Guide to Explaining Rambutans:

1. Listen to The Abnormal Fruit Podcast and take extensive notes. THERE WILL BE A TEST!!

2. Cook 9∞ servings of Rambutan curry then donate them to The Needy Tissue Box Charity.

3. Léiert russesch fléissend a schreift duerno e ganze Koup vun eis Aubergien op Franséisch!

4. Translate step 3 then ignore it completely

5. Watch The Rambutan Mini-Series, a documentary by Anteater J. Pook (Aardvark Q. Pook's -73 year older brother)

6. Follow this blog and share it with your friends!

7. Hire the Weeble-Wooblian Squirrel Choir to sing at your EleMidHighLege graduation.

8. Take "The Rambutan Quiz!™".

9. Say "A rambutan is a red, plum-sized tropical fruit with soft spines and a slightly acidic taste".

The End